My Story

My passion for helping men become better dads comes from the pain of my own abusive relationship with my father and how I continued in that same model until I was confronted with what it was doing to my wife and children. I’m thankful for how God worked through other men and situations to open my eyes to see the impact that that pain was having on my own life and family and how God desired to heal and restore those relationships. Today I’m thankful that I can offer hope to other families about how God can restore broken relationships.

During the summer of 2001 a situation occurred that brought the result of my accumulative behavior to the surface. I was involved in a youth sports championship game that ended in feelings of being hurt. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I was receiving abuse for it and it caused me to harbor resentment again a neighbor. That resentment soon grew into a rage that became harder and harder to control. Finally I couldn’t take it any longer and I decided that the best thing I could do was to simply leave everyone and everything behind and start a new life somewhere else or just end it all period. This is a pattern I have followed all my life. I got a few things together got in my car and took off going west. I didn’t tell anyone anything about where I was going or why. I was so angry at life that I didn’t care what happened to anyone including myself. I refused to answer my cell when my wife called and I was trying to decide where and what to do. Needless to say I wasn’t in a good frame of mind. The only thing I did right that day was to take a call from my best friend who offered me some encouragement and prayer. I spent a restless night in anguish over what to do. I read some scriptures, prayed and then decided to head back home. It was very hard knowing I was going into a difficult situation because of my actions. But God worked in my friend’s life to share forgiveness with me in a new light than what I had believed at that time. I tried to argue with him about it until he said, “it’s not a question of whether you can or not, but whether you will or not forgive.” I couldn’t argue with that, so I decided to forgive my neighbor. I didn’t have any feeling of remorse; I just wanted to obey God’s command to forgive.

The next day when I came across my neighbor that gut wrenching feeling was gone and I recognized that something had changed in me and that I had taken a step in the right direction. It made me realize that I had to address my emotions and not run from them. I learned that I had to accept the responsibility of where I was in my life and stop blaming others. I could change with God’s help, and the support and encouragement from others who loved me and were willing to stand by me.

Over the course of the next several years I addressed the emotional issues that I had concerning my father and how I felt I was treated wrongly. It wasn’t easy, but it has been more than worth the effort. God has healed my heart from the hurt and pain that I blamed on my father and on others. I had to accept total responsibility for where I was in my life and understand that I couldn’t control anyone else in what they did. It’s hard enough to discipline myself to do what is right. I now can appreciate many of the lessons that my father taught me without my former feelings of anger, shame or rejection. I was becoming a different person and my family was starting to notice the changes as well. I wasn’t perfect or anywhere close, but I was honest and open to deal with things that were hurting me in a more mature way and was now willing to forgive others and myself more quickly.

In the fall of 2005 I heard about a Father’s Workshop in my community and decided to find out more about it. It was an interactive program where a group of men discussed topics about our fathers and how we learned to be one. I realized I wasn’t the only father who was hurting, had issues with their dad growing up or never had anyone share with them anything about what a father did and how it affected their children. I remember saying to the other men at the end that I wished I had had this workshop about 25 years ago, because it would have saved my family a lot of pain. I went on to volunteer my time getting involved in helping other men with new workshops, and realizing that this was an area that affected every aspect of my community.

There’s a lot more that I could say, but I’m now using my talents and experience to address this issue for other men and their children. We need more men to rise up and join this cause to help save our children from the pain that we see around us every day.


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